I don’t read biographies or memoirs very often. But when I do, I’m reminded that these texts are powerful tools for developing more empathy and understanding of people who are different from ourselves. This is especially true for celebrities or people whose names dominate “discourse” on social media platforms. What I appreciate most is that despite the trappings of fame, immense fortunes, and the fact that they often have vast resources at their disposal, is that we share so many experiences, feelings, and traumas that make up the human condition. The narratives allow you to sit quietly with that information and internalize it relative to your own life. And while there is some comfort in knowing that money and fame don’t guarantee any modicum of happiness, it’s nice to know that you are not alone in your experiences. This can be a profound exercise in acknowledgement and connection, and it is important to remember that these books often challenge long-held opinions and beliefs in ways that expand our understanding. There are a few books in this pile of recommendations that were especially eye-opening to me and made me realize that there are so many things at work behind the scenes that we can only imagine. “Famesick” and “Spare,” for example, are both about two famous, often polarizing figures that in the end, are trying to survive and thrive like everyone else.

For this post, I’d like to keep the narrative here and for each book brief, as it’s important to preserve authentic reactions. But know that any of these recommendations are engaging reads that will intrigue and inspire you.

“Crying in H Mart,” by Michelle Zauner

This is yet another book recommended to me by my close friend who recently died after a bout with pancreatic cancer. This was the first book he ever gave me, and it holds a place of honor on the shelf in my office. Michelle Zauner, the lead singer of the band “Japanese Breakfast,” opens up about her struggle with identity, family connections, and grief. Food is a central theme in the book and is dissected as Michelle navigates life as a Korean woman living in the United States. The story centers around her relationship with her mother and the ways in which they try to understand each other, with limited time to forge that connection. The book is relatable on so many levels – our need for approval, acceptance, or how we cope with loss, just to name a few examples. Incredibly sad in so many ways but strangely comforting and uplifting – this is a powerful read, and highly recommended for anybody currently grappling with these same life issues.

“Ten Steps to Nanette: A Memoir Situation,” by Hannah Gadsby

I was first introduced to Hannah Gadsby through their Netflix special, “Nanette.” Which, if you haven’t watched this, add it to your queue immediately. As a matter of personal taste, I’m drawn to their wry humor, dramatic pauses, and biting social commentary. But without giving too much away, you find out that this comedy special is not at all what it seems. Since then, I’ve been haunted by their experiences, and merely reading about their life helped me develop a deeper understanding of the societal discrimination LGBTQ+ and transgender people face as a part of daily life. Although Gadsby was born and raised in Tasmania, they highlight the hostile climate for people of similar backgrounds across Australia. For those unfamiliar, the continent/country has a deep history of brutal racial and cultural violent. And as Gadsby describes it, Tasmania is an even smaller, more volatile microcosm where these hateful viewpoints are allowed to persist in local culture and government. While the comedy special is very eye-opening, their memoir recounts the lead-up to the premier of the comedy special and the life experiences that shaped their perceptions of their own self-worth. While the book made me laugh out loud many times, at the end I felt a profound sense of respect for Hannah and what it took to forge their own path.

“Pageboy: A Memoir,” by Elliot Page

Elliot Page is another person I’ve watched quite a bit on screen, who has written an incredible memoir about his life before and after transitioning genders in the winter of 2020. Like many of you, I watched Elliot in “Juno,” “Inception,” and “Hard Candy,” a disturbing thriller about a young vigilante who entraps a suspected sexual predator. Like many others have likely intuited, it is easy to guess that there was immense emotional and physical strife that Elliot endured as someone living with a gender role foisted upon them. And while there are accounts of industry-related abuse that are difficult to read, the main takeaway is that he is a person not defined by those experiences. At the end of the read, you see that Elliot is a person, who like so many of us, is doing his best to live his truth. The book is an eloquent, smart, and unflinching read that stays with you.

“Spare,” by Prince Harry

I was compelled to read this book in the aftermath of Meghan and Harry, the Duchess and Duke of Sussex relinquishing their royal duties and moving to the United States. While I had opinions on the “royal family,” and their obligations to Great Britain, I never understood the vitriol surrounding their decision to choose a different path. At the time, I was on social media, and even progressive people I knew would post angry diatribes about how they weren’t going to “sponge off of our tax dollars” for security, or that they were abandoning their duties, as if we know anything about what that life truly entails. Couple that with the intense racism aimed at Meghan Markle and the incendiary comments hurled at her as well as her family. The book is an eye-opening glimpse into the true weight of a royal title – even when you are regarded as the “back-up” in every sense of the word. While this is the core of the book, I enjoyed reading about the beginnings of their relationship, and the evolution of their charitable work, which is admirable and an inspiration. But as I mentioned in the introduction to this post, this is one that will surprise you. I can’t recall a more transparent view of a life where access is controlled down to the most finite details. It was obvious it caused great upheaval in his family. However, with news of their recent plans to move back to the UK, I can’t help but think the public airing was ultimately a good thing…..

“Famesick: A Memoir,” by Lena Dunham

In the words of her ex-partner, Jack Antonoff, Lena Dunham is “something else.” If you’re unfamiliar, she was head writer and one of the stars of the HBO series, “GIRLS,” a show about millennial twenty-somethings living in New York. The show was born out of her independent film, “Tiny Furniture,” which achieved great success as an independent film in 2010. Dunham’s rise to fame was meteoric, and the book is centrally about her inability to cope with and control it. While I was a fan of the show, it was not lost on me that these people – Jemima Kirke, Zosia Mamet, and Allsion Williams were privileged to some degree to be able to maintain the lifestyle portrayed in the show. But there was a grittiness to it that made it more believable than say, SATC. And because I was in a similar life stage, I found it relatable. I always marveled at how authentic the actors were, and the book showed me that art imitated life. Dunham is often regarded as privileged and TMI, but what people don’t know is the extent of the struggles with her health, and trauma from sexual abuse that telegraph to her behavior. While that isn’t an excuse for some of her most public shortcomings, I feel for her that she lives every day in some moderate to severe degree of pain. And to her credit, has worked hard to manage it and at the same time, made amends to the people she’s damaged in the process.